How many women do you know will compromise what they really want for the sake of being in a relationship? I know too many. I too, can raise my hand and say, “I was once and sometimes still am that woman.” But, at what point do we go for what we want? If you are reading this and drawing blank, here are some pretty common examples of the lengths many women will go in attempt to attract and sustain love:
“The Home-girl”- This woman is always hanging out with the fellas. She pretends to be a die-hard sports fanatic when truthfully; she is just getting by on the basics. She is also the woman who shoots other women down while around men. She vows never to befriend females; she doesn’t like or trust them. Men think of her as one of the guys; secretly, she’s flattered by this attention. This woman believes that she is too “cool” for the emotional and petty disagreements other women provoke. What she does not realize is her distain for women exposes exactly how she feels about herself. This female’s earnestness to be appreciated by men is transparent to everyone in close contact of her. She is the only one who seems oblivious of her actions.
“The Greatest Asset”- She works enthusiastically to be the most seductive and passionate of his many lovers. She wants to exceed his fantasies and expectations so that he will never desire any other woman. This woman thinks sex will change a man’s character. He assures this woman that it is because he cares for her he keeps her hidden. And she believes him. This woman convinces herself that sharing her body with someone without the responsibility of commitment is enticing. It makes her feel free and in control of her sexuality. But deep down, she yearns for more.
“The BFF” – She listens to all of his sexual conquests. She consoles him when he is vulnerable. She allows him into her bedroom when he is in need of affection. This woman watches time and again as he chooses every fleeting attraction over her loyalty. This woman is a doormat. She has not found the courage to be direct and straightforward. She believes that her loyalty will someday be rewarded. The reciprocity she has bargained to wait for absorbs her opportunity to ever meet someone. This girl is not only wasting her time, she is wasting her love.
I have been all of these women at one time or another. All of these traits are a distraction from finding ourselves. I had no clue who I was. I was constantly grabbing and snatching pieces from everyone else’s happiness hoping it would spark a flame to help me find my own.
Over the years, here’s what I’ve Earned: You can be as giving and as nice as you choose but your IDENTITY, JOY and DREAMS are not up for negotiation. Period. If your dream is to one day get married, do not settle with anyone who is apprehensive about long-term commitment. If your goal is to travel the world, find someone who is open to adventure. If you are anxious to start a family, dating someone who hates children probably wont get you far. You CANNOT change people! Altering who you are will only limit you, not them. A partnership is designed to enhance us never to hinder. At what point do we go for what we want? The answer is TODAY.
*Cues Karyn White- Superwoman*